The loneliness of cancer.

It turns out May is a milestone month for me this year. It was on May 19 last year I first found out I had a ‘gynaecological malignancy, ovarian in nature’. (No matter how many memories chemo steals, that sentence is burnt into my brain.) Five days later, I finally graduated from uni with my Bachelor of Communications. And six months ago today I had a massive operation to remove a cancer that was close to killing me. So to say it’s been a big year would be an understatement. And even though I have my girl and my little man, it has undoubtedly been the loneliest year of my life. Continue reading “The loneliness of cancer.”

To the nurses…

 

If you are truly lucky in life, you will at least once get to job that you can be really proud of. The type of job that you reminisce about and the stories from which you will tell for years to come. A job that even if you hated it, even if it was a hard slog, you could be proud of because of the people you got to help or the changes you were able to make. Continue reading “To the nurses…”

Hot flushes and HRT

 

This last week I have been trialing an oestrogen transdermal patch to get my hot flushes under control. Honestly, I’ve never experienced anything like it. Like clock work, from 6pm, my body would turn into a furnace. Sometimes, it was just random parts of my body, like I would notice my shins sweating, or my head sweating or just my eyebrows. Other times it was an all over body experience like somehow I had started orbiting far too close to the sun. Continue reading “Hot flushes and HRT”

 

Last night I was watching Quantum of Solace, a movie I have watched at least five or six times, and there were parts of the movie I have absolutely no recollection of. I am usually able to recall movies so easily. For god’s sake, I’ve managed to memorise most of the Hamilton soundtrack in less than two weeks. But thanks to last year’s chemo, some stuff seems to have disappeared if not for good, at least for now. Continue reading “Apologies in advance.”

Fucking Chemo

 

Generally, I try not to swear when I write. I swear enough when I talk. But I really fucking hate chemo. It’s obvious, I know. No one likes chemo. Well I hope no one likes chemo. I have spent the two and a half months since coming home bouncing between ‘chemo is a necessary evil’ and ‘nope, I don’t wanna’. I’m lucky that I have a family who are willing to support me regardless of which option I take, now and in the future. Continue reading “Fucking Chemo”

Give me strength.

 

Throughout this appendix cancer caper, people keep telling me I’m amazing and I’m strong and I’m doing so well. I’ve never been good at compliments and to be honest, it makes me feel like a fraud. Although I am doing very well in my recovery, overall I just get out of bed each day. Sure I do it with a sense of humour and a smile but it doesn’t mean it’s not hard and doesn’t catch me out. People tell me of others who might let a cancer diagnosis beat them – who would be negative and struggle to face things. It makes me wonder, are there people like that and is that so bad? When you are hit by a truck there’s no shame in going down. There is no shame in staying down for a good long while. Here’s the truth about my perceived strength. Continue reading “Give me strength.”

What is normal anyway?

 

Home sweet home. After four weeks in hospital it was an overwhelming relief to walk through the doors to our home. The familiar mess in the lounge room, our messy bed, children’s books strewn across the floor and one very pathetic feline! The problem with being home though is that often people assume that everything is back to normal. I know that we’ll settle into a new ‘normal’ but our life is so far from what we know as normal. A psychologist described it as a ‘complex and challenging situation’. She’s not wrong. Continue reading “What is normal anyway?”

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